We all have our stories. They shape us—as human beings and also as leaders.
I remember:
Pierre, the bright and steady general manager who, after losing his younger brother at an early age, learned to suppress his emotions to better care for his mother and those around him,
Caroline, the colourful, fascinating high-tech entrepreneur whose sister's struggles with mental health taught her how important a stable job can be to a person’s overall wellbeing—and now fights for the rights of her employees
Allan, the young, enthusiastic, newly-appointed sales director who, having endured years of bullying, now refuses to tolerate anything resembling mistreatment toward anyone on his team.
Stories live within each of us, influencing our day-to-day behaviours. Sometimes, they serve us; sometimes, they don’t. And sometimes our stories are so deeply ingrained that we mistake the behaviours they instilled in us for our true identity.
Last week, Isabelle, a humble and very generous head of compliance, moved me with this simple question: "Manu, if I'm naturally caring and protective, can I truly learn to become the decisive, change-making leader my team needs?"
Her question stayed with me because, in some way, it’s a question we all carry: Can I be more than the story I’ve always told myself?
The answer was simple: “If it’s what you truly want, then yes. Because it’s also who you already are.”
Creating the Conditions for Growth
Transformation isn’t about forcing change; it’s about creating space for change to arise. You can’t rush a seedling or pull at its leaves to make it grow faster. Growth happens when the conditions are right.
To create those conditions, we first need to pause and allow space between stimulus and response. Like letting dough rise, this is where the transformation begins. Instead of reacting immediately, let your energy settle first.
Once that happens, it’s time to let it cook.
Let It Cook
Letting it cook is the key to transformation. Take the time to feel without rushing to act. As you allow things to simmer, you can determine whether your response should come from the past experiences that shaped you (from your old stories) or from that other part of you that wants to emerge.
Just as a plant grows at its own pace, clarity and purposeful action will arise not from force but from presence and faith. By letting it cook, you’re trusting the process.
Learning to let it cook has altered my approach as a coach. In coaching, my role isn’t to give answers but to hold a space of curiosity, where untapped parts of the leader can surface. This requires what I call a “décentrée” posture—stepping away from knowing and into not-knowing. Believe me, it’s a humbling shift, especially for someone raised to believe that success lies in always having the answer.
During coaching sessions, whenever I feel the urge to step in and offer my perspective, I keep coming back to this simple yet powerful mantra: “Let it cook.” It reminds me—again and again—that here, it’s about creating space for this other part of me to emerge, the one that trusts that my client already holds the answers within themselves.
Like any great dish, the best results come when we allow the ingredients to meld and transform over time. Therefore, trust me and do like Pierre, Caroline, and Allan, who were able to move past their stories and evolve as leaders ... just LET IT COOK.
Manu
Manu Henrard is a leadership Coach and an Executive Recruiter based in Brussels. He is also an associate from the Strozzi Institute for embodied leadership.
Manu's professional commitment is to help leaders increase meaningful productivity and achieve inner peace. More about his coaching program here.
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